The Charlie's Hole Affair - "YCTTBOOTB"

The Charlie's HoleEveryone remembers Charlie Hauben…most people probably remember him as Charlie Meathead. Pat Leo gave Charlie the nickname Meathead, not because he had short hair - like most people think, but instead he was given the nickname Meathead because of the character on "All in the Family". Remember how Archie Bunker used to call his son-in-law Meathead…it was an insult. Anyone that knows Charlie knows that this name drove Charlie crazy! And if he ever heard someone call him Meathead hE wOULD gET P.O.’d! A lot of people thought Charlie was a little different…and he was…but he always treated me, PJ, and Pat well…but there was one incident…Like I said Charlie was different but he treated us well. He let PJ and me lift weights at his apartment and watch TV at his apartment…we even had keys to his apartment and so we could go up there anytime we wanted. Since he was a Fireman he would work 3 and 4 day shifts and so there were many times when it was like PJ, Pat and I had our own apartment. Charlie was also a neat freak! If you looked in his closet you would see that ALL of his hangers were EXACTLY 1.5 inches apart. He only wore white socks and he would write "L1" and "R1", "L2" and "R2", etc., on his socks so that he could make sure that he was wearing the true matching socks (keep in mind they were all the same color socks). When he left his apartment, he would always make sure the dining room chairs were facing the correct way. In his refrigerator, he had specific places for the milk (and only the milk) and for the juice (and only the juice). He carried a money clip (before money clips were cool) and he would have all the money facing the same way (which really isn't that unusual). If you remember Felix Unger on the "Odd Couple" this will give you a perfect picture of Charlie. NOW…if any of these things I listed were ever out of place…IT WOULD DRIVE HIM CRAZY!Now - Charlie also liked guns. He enjoyed going to firing ranges and shooting several rounds of ammo. PJ, Pat, and I occasionally would go to the gun range with Charlie and he spent some time teaching us how to shoot a gun. He would usually carry his gun with him wherever he went and when he came home, he would place the gun (neatly) on his dining room table. I can remember one afternoon PJ was playing with one of Charlie's guns and he was trying to pull the trigger but he could not. He thought the gun was empty but it actually had one bullet loaded, ready to be fired. PJ put the gun to his head (he was only joking) and he tried pulling the trigger again - but he still couldn't pull the trigger because the safety lock was on…luckily he didn't know how to take the safety lock off or PJ would not still be here with us. Well, PJ and I liked to play practical jokes on Charlie because we thought it was funny getting him mad (I guess). Whenever we visited Charlie's house we would move his hangers so that they weren't 1.5 inches apart. We would mix up his socks so that "L1" would be with "L2". We would move his drinks around in his refrigerator. We would also eat his food and drink his ice tea, juice, etc. Charlie actually placed a lock on his refrigerator to keep us out but PJ was always good at being able to unscrew the lock so that we could get into his refrigerator. I'm getting to the point of this story…just hold on. Like I said, we would play these practical jokes on Charlie…he would get mad…we would apologize…and then we would do it again…and life was wonderful. Now to the serious part of the story…are you still awake? There was one day when the practical jokes went a little too far…for Charlie. PJ and I were working out one day and Charlie came home from a 3 day shift. He placed his gun and his money clip on the table and he started making his dinner. PJ and I thought it would be funny to hide his money clip underneath his lamp…so we did…and then we went home for dinner. After dinner we had forgotten all about hiding Charlie's money. That night Charlie came driving up the block and asked PJ and me to come with him to go somewhere (I can't remember where) and so we did. PJ got into his El Camino first and then I got in. So PJ was sitting next to Charlie and I was next to the door. Charlie drove us on the Henry Hudson Parkway, going toward Yonkers, and he pulled off the road where it was totally pitch black…we had driven by this part of the parkway in the past. Charlie referred to this area as "Charlie's Hole"…he took out his gun and pointed it at our heads and said, "where's my money?"…I immediately soiled my pants (not literally) and I'm thinking to myself…"this guy really is nuts…we're about to die…our names are going to be in the Riverdale Press…two boys found shot in head!" PJ on the other hand is laughing and I'm thinking to myself…"PJ, this guy really is nuts…we're about to die…stop laughing!" I started pleading with Charlie…"don't shoot…the money is under the lamp…please…!" My pleading lasted for about one minute (it felt a lot longer) but then Charlie looked at us and put the gun away. He then said that he was just trying to teach us a lesson…to this day I wonder if he really was just trying to teach us a lesson or if he had other thoughts - when he first pulled off the road.