The Fingerling Affair - "YCTTBOOTB"

THE FINGERLING AFFAIRIt all began in November when my second grade teacher, Mrs. Ross, told us we were having a "Kris Kringle" exchange. I had never heard of this before but she explained to the class what it was. She said “Each student will put their name in a hat and later they will pull a name out of the same hat - as long as it’s not their own. When you pull a name out”, she continued, “You will keep the person’s name a secret, you’ll buy a gift for that person, and then you’ll bring it in for that person on Kris Kringle day. Then on Kris Kringle day, each person will be allowed to open the present with his or her name on it - and at that time you’ll find out who your Kris Kringle is.” This, of course, sounded like a lot of fun and so each of the students wrote their names on a piece of paper and placed it in a hat which the teacher passed around the class. When it came around to me, I put my hand in and I pulled out Anthony Mastacholli's name. This was perfect! Anthony was my best friend in the second grade. Everyday, after lunch Anthony and I always hung out together; when I broke my collarbone he was the one who brought my homework to my home. He was also the one who told everyone that when I broke my collarbone I “…was bleeding a lot"…as proof of all the bleeding he pointed to my shoes which had red paint on them (but that's a whole other story). The bottom line is that I was very happy to have pulled my best friend's name out of the hat for Kris Kringle!When I got home that day I rushed to my mother and told her about Kris Kringle (I thought Kris Kringle was a new thing) and having picked Anthony's name. I told her, "I want to go to Woolworth's to buy Anthony his present - and Mom, Anthony is my best friend and I want it to be the best present he’s ever received”.Several days later my mother took me, my brother and sisters to the store to buy Anthony’s present. I spent a lot of time trying to pick out the perfect present. I looked at balls, bats, books but I couldn’t find the perfect present. Then I saw it - the perfect present! It was an Action Figure similar to a GI Joe, which was extremely popular in 1971. It was a rough and tough Action Figure that every boy wanted and would be proud to have - but it was even better! It was better because you could put your fingers (the pointer and the middle finger) in the back of the Action Figures legs and walk him around by moving your two fingers - because of this feature it was call a Fingerling. Most boys would kill for a present like this and so I bought it for my best friend.I can still remember the excitement I felt when I walked into class the day of the Kris Kringle exchange. I couldn’t wait for Anthony to open the present I bought for him. I carefully placed his present next to the other student’s presents on the table next to the teacher's desk. Ms. Ross said, “We’ll exchange the gifts after lunch time”, which was almost unbearable for all of the children. That day was the longest day of my school career; it seemed to drag on - even lunch seemed to take longer than usual - but then it came. It was time for the Kris Kringle exchange!Ms. Ross asked all of the students to sit on the floor around her and she said, “I’ll hand out the presents and we’ll open them one at a time.” I sat on the floor towards the back of the crowd of kids. I couldn’t wait to see the expression on Anthony's face when he opened the coolest present in the world. Ms. Ross handed presents to several other students first. They opened the presents, acted excited, and then the person who bought the present raised his/her hand and said (something like), "That was from me". Finally, Ms. Ross called Anthony's name - my heart was pounding with excitement. She handed him the present - I couldn’t wait – I knew he would love his present! He ripped open the wrapping paper - he turned the box over – I was about to burst wide open with excitement - he looked at the present - and he screamed -in the loudest voice I have ever heard, “SOMEBODY BOUGHT ME A DOLL!” I thought to myself, in a nervous dread I can never verbally express, “Did he just say what I thought he said?” My heart dropped to my stomach…”Does he think this great Action Figure I bought for him is a doll? How could he not love this ACTION FIGURE?” Anthony turned around and asked each and every one of his classmates, "Did you buy me this doll? Hey, did you buy me this doll?" When he walked over to me and asked, “Did you buy me this doll?” I replied, “Are you kidding? Do you think I’m the type of guy who would buy a guy a doll?”To this day Anthony doesn't know it was me who bought him the cool Action Figure, Action Figure, Action Figure - yes I did say Action Figure because it WAS! This episode left such a deep scar in my sole I never participated in Kris Kringle ever again and as you’ll see it impacted other aspects of my life as well!