The Raffle Ticket Affair - "YCTTBOOTB"

Names have been left out of this story until waivers are signed...One of the worst things he did while growing up and without a doubt - the worst thing he did while coaching the St. John’s Boys Basketball Team was a money making scam he engaged in using the boys on the team. My dad is not proud of the “Raffle Ticket Affair”, and looking back on it he realizes the words people will use to describe him after reading this, are words like, “lowlife”, “derelict”, “juvenile delinquent”, or “criminal”. He told me, “Cameron, when you see or hear about a friend or family member doing things they shouldn’t - like, drinking, drugs, lying, or stealing – you need to do everything you can to stop them! Don't let them do the things I did!" Ok, now that that’s out of the way and it sounds like my dad regretted what he did...let’s get to the story.So what did my father do and what exactly is the “Raffle Ticket Affair”? Well, to fully understand the “Raffle Ticket Affair” you have to go all the way back to his second grade class at Cypress Road School and the “Fingerling Affair” – that started it all. Next, you have to move forward in time when my dad had a reputation for breaking up with girls right before their birthdays and Christmas - a reputation he didn't like and was not proud of (he thinks it's funny now but he didn't when he was a teenager). Finally, you have to know my dad was unemployed about six weeks before Christmas. [If you don't know about the Fingerling Affair or about him breaking up with his girlfriend before her birthday and Christmas keep reading the blog or buy the book] With these three things in mind – think about how he must have felt while he was dating a sweet little girl, who had already lived through several of his preemptive birthday/Christmas gift giving breakups in the past – could he do this to her again – No, he couldn't, it was unthinkable! He HAD to come up with a way to raise the money necessary to buy her a gift; and with Christmas approaching – he had to come up with it FAST! Why didn’t he “just get a job”? “Get a job”...“Get a job” you say – yea, that’s easy for you to say but it’s not always that easy! Have you ever thought, “Maybe he couldn’t find a job”, or “Maybe, just maybe, his schoolwork came first, before work” (Have I told the High School Drop Out Affair yet? No, ok - good), or “Maybe a job would interfere with his social life”? Hmmm, have you thought about these things? I didn’t think so but my father did and so he opted to raise the money the old fashioned way – he ran a scam. But, keep in mind, the scam wasn’t for him – no sir, it was for a noble purpose – it was so his girlfriend could share in the excitement of Christmas like all the other girlfriends in the neighborhood. You know, Christmas is all about giving – and that’s what my dad wanted to do, he wanted to give her a present; he didn’t want to break up with her again just two or three days before Christmas like he had done so many times in the past. So, in reality, the “Raffle Ticket Affair” wasn’t about lying, cheating, stealing, or scamming people – no - it was about the true meaning of Christmas – GIVING TO YOUR FELLOW MAN (or girlfriend in this case).So how did he raise the money for this noble deed? He utilized the resources and assets at his disposal and at the time him and a friend were coaching the St. John's 7th and 8th grade basketball team and so he had about fifteen resources and assets. On November 15, with the St. John’s Basketball Team two months into the season with loses piling up my dad called his players together for a team meeting and he made three announcements; first, he said we are going to implement a new practice schedule which will make us more competitive, second, he was going to purchase new uniforms, and third, they would have a team party at the end of the year. However, in order to raise the money necessary for the uniforms and the party, he told the players they had to sell fifteen raffles tickets each. He said, “You only have to sell fifteen raffle tickets – this will be easy. All you have to do is knock on a few doors in your apartment building or go down to the local bar and you’ll sell them all in a matter of minutes.” Prior to the meeting my dad met with a local printer, who printed raffle tickets for Kingsbridge Little League, and he ordered fifteen books of raffle tickets with fifteen raffle tickets in each book. The raffle tickets read, “St. John’s Basketball Team Raffle, Fund Raiser for New Team Uniforms, 1st Place – 12 Inch Color TV, 2nd Place – Panasonic Radio, 3rd Place – Spawlding Basketball, $1.00 Each, Raffle Drawing – January 15th.” The raffle tickets normally cost fifteen dollars to print but they were donated by the printer (well sort of) and therefore if all the tickets were sold the proceeds of the fund raiser would have been over $200.There were three differences between this fund raiser and typical fund raisers; first of all, the prizes were not donated by local businesses, secondly, the winning tickets would never be selected, and finally, there was no intention of using the proceeds from the sale of the raffles for uniforms or a team party – they would go to a far more worthy cause – the Ken Hand Christmas Fund. When the other coach of the team heard about my dad’s plan he said, “Let me get this right, you are planning on having these kids sell fake raffle tickets for you and you’re going to keep all the money!" My dad said, "You make it sound so ugly. It's actually for a very good cause - it's so a young girl can enjoy Christmas like all the other girls in the neighborhood!" He said, "You can’t be serious. Kenny, you do what you want - but keep me out of this – I don’t want any part of it.” My dad raised his eyebrows, gave a smirk, and said, “I’ll split the money with you.” The other coach turned and walked away with his arms up in the air and said, “No thanks, keep me out of it.”A week into the “Raffle Ticket Affair” - trouble began. A couple of the players, who knew my dad's reputation for being, how do I say this, less than a perfectly upstanding citizen, began questioning my dad about the raffle. One of them asked, “Kenny, who donated the tv, radio, and basketball for the raffle?” Another boy asked, “Where and when is the party going to be and what are we going to do at the party?” When my dad answered their questions they stared straight into his eyes and didn’t say anything other than, “Hmmm, interesting. So your Uncle, who works at Crazy Eddies, donated the tv and radio. Hmmm, interesting. And you’re saying we are going to have a party at Gaelic Park and there will be food, drinks, and music. Ok. Hmmm. Interesting.” It was clear to my dad that his answers were not fully satisfying their reservations and they were becoming even more skeptical. Later, some of the boys even insinuated, behind my dad’s back, that the raffle tickets were just a money making scam of my father's – CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NERVE OF THESE KIDS – AFTER ALL MY DAD DID FOR THEM! Yea, I know they hadn’t won a game but my dad made it to every practice (well most of them) and he worked hard teaching them (ok, he usually played against them in scrimmages) how to play basketball – what happened to respect? Unfortunately, these inquiring kids weren’t the end of my dad’s troubles.A few days later, before practice, as my dad and the other coach were waiting in the gym for the kids to show up to practice one of the boys from the 230th Street Projects walked in with his mother. When she got close to the coaches my dad noticed her lips were pursed together, her left eyebrow was raised, in other words she had a very annoyed look on her face as she said, “Mr. Hand, I’d like to talk to you about the raffle.” The other coach quietly slipped away because “This [was my dad’s deal, not his…]” The mother continued, “My son indicated that this raffle might not be on the up and up and so before I give you this money I wanted to talk with you face to face to ask you if it’s legit. In case you don’t know, I’m a single mother and where I live I can’t have my son walk door to door selling raffles because it’s too dangerous and I AM NOT going to send him into a bar - and so this money came right out of MY pocket and so this better not be a scam – I will be a very angry woman if it is! So tell me, why are you raising the money?” My father explained to her that he is trying to raise money to buy the kids the newest state of the art uniforms and if there’s money left over there will be a team party. She then continued, “When will the drawing take place, I would like to be there.” My dad said, “Oh, well, I am planning on having the drawing upstairs in the school auditorium.” She continued to dig further and further; my dad responded by laying it on thicker and thicker. She asked, “Where did you get the tv, radio, and basketball to raffle off?” My dad said, “I have a relative who works at Crazy Eddies and he donated the tv and radio, and I was given a basketball for my birthday that I’m donating. BAM! Take that lady!” He didn’t say the last part. She then asked, “When is the drawing?” My dad responded, “It says it right on the raffle tickets, January 15th. Keep bringing it lady – I aint afraid of you!” Again, he didn’t say this last part either. She then gave my dad a skeptical look as if to say, “You know, that I know, that you know, that I know, you are running a scam and if I catch you - you’ll regret it!” He then assured her that this was a legitimate fund raising activity (which it was – well at least the fund raising part) and he told her, “I will call you when we get closer so you can be a part of it. And by the way – you don’t want a piece of this!” Yea, you guessed it…he didn’t say this last part either.Even with all the concerns from the players and parents the money did begin pouring in – my father even found it in his heart to extend the deadline for handing in the raffle money for several kids who were late - without it adversely impacting their playing status…what a compassionate guy. The "Raffle Ticket Affair" raised a total of only $150 for the Ken Hand Christmas Fund not the intended amount because some of the kids refused "to participate in the scam". When January 15th came and went the kids on the team asked, “What happened to the raffle? I thought you were going to select the winning tickets on January 15th.” My dad said, “I’m glad you brought that up, I was actually planning on telling everyone about it after practice is over.” After practice ended, my dad brought the kids together and announced, “The new uniforms were ordered and will be available in time for next year’s season” Yea, I know, you thought the uniforms were for the current season – so did the kids – they were so disappointed. He also told them, “Because all the raffles weren’t sold there isn’t enough money for a team party but I did buy some M&M’s for everyone to share – here catch.” He continued on, “Oh, and the winner of the tv was a lady from Bailey Avenue – she loves it, some old man from 238th won the radio, and an Irish guy from The Liffy won the basketball – you wouldn’t know them…ok, practice is over, see you on Tuesday.”Although the “Raffle Ticket Affair” didn’t raise the intended cash it was enough for a gift for his girlfriend - and some extra spending money for OB's (maybe I should reverse the order because he spent a little more money at OB's than he did on the gift). When his girlfriend opened her gift she loved it so much she was speechless - a beautiful set of rhinestone embroidered oven mitts tends to do that to a woman.